Stalling out....

"...I was like whatchu mean 'shit'? I mean I might 'shit on you' like after I hit it I won't call you no more...."

Last semester, my friend "Slave" and I took advantage of a university-wide policy at our school that allows us to take one class taught by a different discipline (e.g., another graduate program within the same University) and still get credit for the class toward our degree. We had a real douchebag of a teacher, one who I might tell you about in another posting. We often were forced to take advantage of the ten-minute break our teacher gave us in the middle of class to use the restroom.

One time, we went in there and a stall was closed, as it was being used. The occupant mumbled something, which we took as directed toward one of us..........like, telling us to pass him a roll ore something. But, we were horribly wrong. Some dude was actually inside the stall of a public restroom, on the phone with someone of the opposite sex, while taking a dump. He even stopped talking intermittently to let out a "grunt" or two. We were so flabbergasted we talked about it for months. This dude became a microcosm for what was wrong with our school, our country, and our world all at the same time. If John Edwards was right, and there really is two Americas, that dude was in the other one. Fo' rilla!

Now, I am all about efficient behavior, killing two turds, I mean, birds, with one stone, but this was ridiculous. It actually spiraled into a game where "Slave" and I would run into the bathroom and call each other and mimic the poop-talker. One time I called him when he went into the bathroom on break and made fun of him when he answered (although, he might have just been walking out at the time....we'll never know).

Now, this got me to thinking. I for one am squeamish about even taking a book into a public restroom, but maybe America is a lot different. Are we out of line here? Is grunt-talking acceptable? Is it okay so long as you are at home? What else does John Q. Citizen do while on the throne? Surf the internet? IM people? Eat? Intercourse? Where do you draw the line? I would draw it on this side of contact with other human beings, but that is just me. Is it okay if the person you are talking to is a jerk? Is calling the ex okay from the outhouse, but taking a call from Mom unacceptable?

I thought I had America figured out, but I was dead wrong. For all I know, you could be there right now. Just another way the cell phone is ruining America, one or two sanitary mores at a time.