In Honor of Football Season....

Today I was looking for the phone number to my local Publix supermarket to order a sub........of course, the stupid Publix circular doesn't list phone numbers to local stores, so I went to the yellow pages. I struggled for like 5 minutes to dig the stupid book out of the back of my cabinet. I scratched myself, knocked over some glass jars, messed everything up, but finally got the friggin' thing out. Then, I got worried, because the assholes at BellSouth split the yellow pages into two books, and I only grabbed one. Not to worry, I discovered, because I grabbed the book with the latter letters of the alphabet. So, I flipped to "supermarkets," and what do I discover? This entry:

Supermarkets
See "Grocers"

Son of a bitch! So, I flip to grocers, but of course, the book in my hand only went from letters I to Z. AGGGGHHHH!!!! Holy shit! Who puts supermarkets under "grocers"? Assholes!

So, I did the only thing I could do, sports fans. I took the phone book, drop-kicked it, and punted it across my kitchen! I'm going to have a bruise for weeks on the top of my foot, but it was well worth it.