The Dong Conspiracy
“Because he wanted me to f—k him from the back/ But Smalls don’t get down like that….”
We live in a crazy world. Everywhere I turn, there’s someone telling me how the government is infringing on my civil liberties, spying on my every move, unconstitutionally interfering with the lives of every good and honest American under the guise of protecting this nation from a non-existent terrorist threat. You can’t go 2 days without someone saying the USA PATRIOT Act is a blatantly un-American, unconstitutional affront to every thing for which the Founding Fathers stood. Everyone things “Big Brother” is watching our every move. To these people, I say, go somewhere else for an insightful commentary on why you are right or wrong. If you want my opinion, I give you the F. Kyle’s Life Conspiracy:
The Staffman has blogged about F.Kyle in the past, and so it is with some personal interest that I recently checked this guy’s webpage once (I repeat, only ONCE) to see if any action was taken to rid the world of this freak. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, I am speaking of the blog “fkyleslife.blogspot.com,” featured on this very site. [DISCLAIMER – DO NOT CLICK ON THE ABOVE LINK UNTIL YOU READ THE ENTIRE POST AND ARE DULY WARNED]. You see, I am a fairly tolerant person. But this shit has got to stop. This freak has, for over six months, perpetrated a blog on the American public dedicated to bad spelling, gay men, gay victims of AIDS, gay pride rallies, and male dongs. I repeat, this website has a lot of pictures of the members of gay males. Old dongs. Young dongs. Dongs at work. Dongs at play. Dongs in a circle-jerk. It even appears to have images of underage males, bottomless. I shit you not.
Now, our current President is not known for his embrace of alternative lifestyles. Neither do the CIA, FBI, the Attorney General, or many of the State Attorneys General tolerate the flaunting of gay sexual practices, which were illegal in some states up until 2004. Neither does most of the American public. To all you ultra-libertarians out there, answer me this: If the government supposedly has the capacity to illegally wiretap or record the fart of an American citizen who’s mother’s mother’s brother’s cousin once dated an Arab, inside a private office inside a paramilitary compound totally hidden from view in the most rural part of the United States, with absolutely no probable cause whatsoever, THEN WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY KEEP A 15-YEAR OLD'S WANG OFF THE WIDE OPEN INTERNET?
The conspiracy gets worse. No one has reported this dipshit in almost a year. The site has not voluntarily taken the offensive pictures down. And now, you can’t even flag the blog! I’m serious!
You may have noticed that at the top of most every blog on this site, there is a button marked “Flag.” This allows you to notify the host domain that the blog is offensive. My blog, much to my dismay, has one of these buttons. So, for instance, does M.C. Coppin’s. But Kyle The Penis-Man's site has no flag! All he has is lots of dongs, gay male asses, dead people, and amazingly bad spelling! My blog can get flagged and removed for the venial sin of a low-level profanity rant, a little shit-ass-tit, or dick-crap-bitch here or there, but a bunch of full frontal nudity gets carte blanche in the current Red State America? No way, man, no way.
I draw the line in the sand right here. I am an everyday American, and I reserve the right to keep your dong off my computer, F.Kyle. And your friend’s dong. And his friend’s dong. And all those other guys. And those kids. And those guys you met at that rally. And those people who may be men or women, but who are clearly naked, and whose pictures I didn’t examine long enough to make a definitive gender determination. And everyone else too. If “The Man” could have done it, he would have done it already (and I didn’t mean this last sentence the way you wanted me to mean it, you sick bastard). But he can’t, so it’s all up to The Real Dookie.
If you are able to help, join me in eradicating this man’s member – from the internet, that is. Call the webmaster. Write the author. Pray to your divine being. My heartfelt dream is that one day soon, I can go to Mr. F.Kyle’s website, scroll down, and with the perfectly apropos music pounding in my head, yell as that sweet symphony comes to a screaming crescendo…………….
“Ding, Dong, the Dong is Dead! The Wicked, Dick-ed Dong is Dead!”
Was that over the top? I couldn’t tell…….
We live in a crazy world. Everywhere I turn, there’s someone telling me how the government is infringing on my civil liberties, spying on my every move, unconstitutionally interfering with the lives of every good and honest American under the guise of protecting this nation from a non-existent terrorist threat. You can’t go 2 days without someone saying the USA PATRIOT Act is a blatantly un-American, unconstitutional affront to every thing for which the Founding Fathers stood. Everyone things “Big Brother” is watching our every move. To these people, I say, go somewhere else for an insightful commentary on why you are right or wrong. If you want my opinion, I give you the F. Kyle’s Life Conspiracy:
The Staffman has blogged about F.Kyle in the past, and so it is with some personal interest that I recently checked this guy’s webpage once (I repeat, only ONCE) to see if any action was taken to rid the world of this freak. For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, I am speaking of the blog “fkyleslife.blogspot.com,” featured on this very site. [DISCLAIMER – DO NOT CLICK ON THE ABOVE LINK UNTIL YOU READ THE ENTIRE POST AND ARE DULY WARNED]. You see, I am a fairly tolerant person. But this shit has got to stop. This freak has, for over six months, perpetrated a blog on the American public dedicated to bad spelling, gay men, gay victims of AIDS, gay pride rallies, and male dongs. I repeat, this website has a lot of pictures of the members of gay males. Old dongs. Young dongs. Dongs at work. Dongs at play. Dongs in a circle-jerk. It even appears to have images of underage males, bottomless. I shit you not.
Now, our current President is not known for his embrace of alternative lifestyles. Neither do the CIA, FBI, the Attorney General, or many of the State Attorneys General tolerate the flaunting of gay sexual practices, which were illegal in some states up until 2004. Neither does most of the American public. To all you ultra-libertarians out there, answer me this: If the government supposedly has the capacity to illegally wiretap or record the fart of an American citizen who’s mother’s mother’s brother’s cousin once dated an Arab, inside a private office inside a paramilitary compound totally hidden from view in the most rural part of the United States, with absolutely no probable cause whatsoever, THEN WHY THE HELL CAN’T THEY KEEP A 15-YEAR OLD'S WANG OFF THE WIDE OPEN INTERNET?
The conspiracy gets worse. No one has reported this dipshit in almost a year. The site has not voluntarily taken the offensive pictures down. And now, you can’t even flag the blog! I’m serious!
You may have noticed that at the top of most every blog on this site, there is a button marked “Flag.” This allows you to notify the host domain that the blog is offensive. My blog, much to my dismay, has one of these buttons. So, for instance, does M.C. Coppin’s. But Kyle The Penis-Man's site has no flag! All he has is lots of dongs, gay male asses, dead people, and amazingly bad spelling! My blog can get flagged and removed for the venial sin of a low-level profanity rant, a little shit-ass-tit, or dick-crap-bitch here or there, but a bunch of full frontal nudity gets carte blanche in the current Red State America? No way, man, no way.
I draw the line in the sand right here. I am an everyday American, and I reserve the right to keep your dong off my computer, F.Kyle. And your friend’s dong. And his friend’s dong. And all those other guys. And those kids. And those guys you met at that rally. And those people who may be men or women, but who are clearly naked, and whose pictures I didn’t examine long enough to make a definitive gender determination. And everyone else too. If “The Man” could have done it, he would have done it already (and I didn’t mean this last sentence the way you wanted me to mean it, you sick bastard). But he can’t, so it’s all up to The Real Dookie.
If you are able to help, join me in eradicating this man’s member – from the internet, that is. Call the webmaster. Write the author. Pray to your divine being. My heartfelt dream is that one day soon, I can go to Mr. F.Kyle’s website, scroll down, and with the perfectly apropos music pounding in my head, yell as that sweet symphony comes to a screaming crescendo…………….
“Ding, Dong, the Dong is Dead! The Wicked, Dick-ed Dong is Dead!”
Was that over the top? I couldn’t tell…….
posted by TheRealDookie | 11:34 PM
2 Comments:
I am personally offended by f.kyle's blog. So i say "F" f.kyle. We cant make a tease at a race/orientation/religion etc. with out rprecusion, why does f.kyle get to be such a faggot!
While no opinion will be suppressed here, I will just add the standard line, "Not that there's anything wrong with that!"
Except being forced to see it on my computer, maybe.
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