I Guess One Fresh Moment Really Does Deserve Another....

Anecdote of the day...

Earlier this week I went to Subway with some co-workers to get my sub-of-the-day on. Behind me in line was a woman who ordered nothing but a wrap. She stood out to me both because of the order and because she was a very large, very tall, African-American woman in heels and a bright pink outfit, accompanied by an extremely short, very thin, Hispanic woman in a very conservative dark blue outfit. I remember thinking you could put a picture of them in the dictionary next to "opposite" and no definition would be required.

Anyway, after we parted ways on the checkout line I went to a corner of the restaurant to eat with my friends and she left. After an enjoyable Meatball Marinara I got up to leave and who do I see coming back into Subway? The same large woman, with a different female companion, coming back in the store to wait on line. A double subber!

Note to self: If you ever decide to double-dip for lunch, a different companion is a great idea, but make sure you avoid the hot pink, gold heels, and going to the exact same restaurant. Also, making one of the meals a wrap isn't exactly going to help maintain the girlish figure.

Of Ears and Scrotes....

"....ain't tryin-a listen/They be sittin' in ya kitchen/waitin' to start hittin...."

Okay, this is pure venting, but Remember that scene in Goodfellas, where Henry tells his young female neighbor/babysitter/drug running co-conspirator not to call his other drug running co-conspirator from the house phone, twice, and then she goes and does it anyway, and he gets pinched because of it? I originally was mad at the girl for not listening, thinking it was some sort of character flaw, but now I think that it's simply because women do not listen to men. Universally. Especially if they are close to the man who is doing the talking.

The worst part is that men have this bad rap that they never listen to women. Not so. In actuality, men are the better listeners. Women do like 80% of the talking, and men catch about half of it, getting the most important parts and then "tuning out" the rest of it. Mea culpa. Men do 20% of the talking, and women hear about 5 words, usually mistranslating it in their mind into something totally different, or purposely ignoring it if it's good advice. On a ratio, men are actually doing much better with their "second sense. "

On a lighter note, I was schooled by a friend to a damn hilarious website, HCwDB. It's helped me get through a few blah days recently. In fact, I mention it here because I think the thesis of this post helps to explain the very essense of said website.

American Gladiators!

NBC's best decision of the past half-decade, besides convincing the cast of Friends to stay on for one more 18-episode season, was to bring back the 90s daytime powerhouse, American Gladiators -- in prime time! I don't know about you, but the R.D. spent many a Saturday morning watching the behemoths of the indoor pseudo-sport, in all their red-white-and-blue spandex glory, truck unsuspecting contestants up and down the makeshift arena. Unfortunately, in an attempt to mix the classic and the modern, the new show suffers from some new and annoying faults. Here's my initial take on the premier two episodes. I'd love to hear your take.

Pros

1. Definitely Number 1 is signing on Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali as hosts. Having hosts who are both athletic AND charismatic (a major thing lacking from the old show -- ahem, Larry Czonka) is a major upgrade and fits in more with the athlete-entertainer aura which surrounds each gladiator. Plus, Hulk Hogan has the midas touch -- it's a great idea to grab someone like him to attract more viewers.

2. The water component. Having the losing competitor fall into a pool of icy cold water instead of onto boring blue gymnastic mats is another major upgrade. Now, the loser gets jacked up, embarrassed, and has to do an interview all wet.

3. Crush. Purrrrrrrr. I think I'm in love.....

4. Staying faithful to the old format. A majority of the old events, along with similar scoring, similar penalties, the "helmet cam," instant replay, crowd shots of people with corny signs probably made by some staffer, and the annoying referee. Love it.

Cons

1. Dumb tinkering with Assault. Assault was the best American Gladiator event of all time. In case you are not familiar with it, the contestants move from station to station and have to fire various weapons at a target above a Gladiator. Contestants get a point for each weapon fired, and a buttload of points if they actually hit the target. Standing in their way is a Gladiator who gets to fire tennis balls at them in excess of 100 miles per hour. This event was the bomb and didn't need to be changed at all. Now, the show has messed it up by changing the proportions and introducing new stations like the gay "sand pit" where contestants have to dig for hidden ammo for the weapons. They have made it so it is too hard for the contestant to move from station to station, and too easy for the Gladiator. They need to go back to the old format, pronto!

2. The Eliminator is Way Too Long. The climactic event of the show used to take about one minute for a contestant to compete. In the new format, the producers clearly have fallen ill with a case of buffet-itis and tried to take a little of each event and jam it into this event, so that it now takes most contestants about three minutes to compete. They're so gassed by the end of the event they can barely walk, and so the winner is chosen more by luck than by talent. Another bad thing about that is that the lead that the front-runner contestant has built up by kicking ass throughout the show means almost nothing now. And even worse, the stuff they have crammed into this event -- the cargo net, the rope climb, the hand bike -- is totally boring. You would think in a three-minute marathon event there would at least be some Gladiator participation -- but no. The new Eliminator should be Eliminated.

3. The finale interview. Anyone who knows the show knows it is heavily, heavily edited. So, why insist on doing the "post-game" interview three seconds after the contestant finishes the Eliminator? They're so tired, half of the screen time is taken up with them panting, and you can't understand a word they're saying, anyway. Let the contestants take a few minutes to stop looking like fish yanked out of the ocean, and then do the interview.

The bottom line is, I'm just glad it's back!!!!